The Struggle of Boundaries: Finding My Place on the Internet

The internet keeps telling me to decide what this space is going to be. Is it going to be about personal finance or is it going to be about writing? Because apparently it can’t be both. I’ve read all the advice from the experts, and apart from this person, they all say that I need to narrow down and find my niche. That means that I can only write for, for example, 25 year-old women who have a college degree and are interested in personal finance and the Enneagram and puppies and their favorite order from Starbucks is a soy latte. Talk about some strict boundaries.

Okay, maybe it’s not quite that specific. But even so, I’ve found it really difficult pre-deciding what I will enjoy writing about for years to come. Right now, my blog menu shows the topics I enjoy. But then my heart felt stirred to start writing about my faith too. Is that too much? I’m not following any of the experts’ advice. The internet tells me I can’t write about both finances and books, and then throw religion into the mix?

Pick your topic, girl! People need to know who you are!

And I agree, to an extent. But here’s my struggle with that mentality. We are vibrant, ever-changing, always-exploring human beings. We cannot be narrowed into a niche, though we can certainly put our words in boxes. But real life is messy. If, on this little corner of the internet, I’m going to offer up my most authentic self, then I can’t separate the words. My writing informs my understanding of religion. My religion informs my understanding of personal finance. My personal finance informs how I interact with books.

Real life is complex. I want to embrace the complexity and let it grow how it grows. We’ll see what it ends up looking like. Just like a garden, it’s impossible to predict where the branches will grow, when the flowers will bloom, or which plants will thrive the most. Real life has a mind of its own and will not stay contained for long.

But at the same time, we have gardeners for a reason. In well-cultivated gardens, there are boundaries. There’s a person pruning and shaping and guiding the plants in their growth. It’s not all wild growing and flourishing. Gardens need boundaries and people need boundaries too.

Perhaps three months from now and 36 blog posts in, I’ll realize that I find writing about personal finance boring. Or, more pertinent, I could find that no one finds my writing on that topic helpful. It could certainly happen. And then I’ll switch gears and write about what feels life-giving. I want it to resonate with both me and you. And I’ll need boundaries for that to happen. There are plenty of good things about limits. I constantly question and test boundaries, but I’m learning how necessary and good they are too.

Here’s what I’m learning.

Boundaries keep you safe

They keep the good things in and the bad things out. In this circumstance, it means that I’ll only write about the really good stuff, or the stuff I’m good at writing. It means that I won’t just let any idea or voice or topic onto my blog. In your life circumstance, boundaries might mean you don’t watch horror movies because you don’t like how it affects you. It might mean that you make more room for cheerful music in your life. Children have all sorts of boundaries from their caretakers. Just imagine a little boy who longs for adventure. You don’t want to take all adventurous play away from him, but he has to know how far he can go. It’s in his best interest. Boundaries are beautiful and necessary.

Boundaries are limiting

I recently heard the famous phrase “the sky’s the limit” rephrased on a podcast (I wish I could remember which one).

[click_to_tweet tweet=”‘The limit is the sky.’ The key to #boundaries is knowing that they’re good, but also remembering that they’re often much broader than we expect. Don’t set your boundary closer in than it has to be.” quote=”The limit is the sky. “]

I like that way of putting it. First of all, it makes you realize that there is a limit. It’s good to shoot high, knowing we have a limit. It can be paralyzing if there’s no boundary at all. How will we know when to stop? When we’ve run out of oxygen, that’s when we need to turn back around. That’s a good limit.

But sometimes the limits are in the wrong places.

This could be something we do to ourselves. We tell ourselves that we’re not experienced enough for XYZ or that while we have a small talent, it’s not a natural gifting like so and so’s. I give myself boundaries that don’t have to be there all the time. I tell myself that I don’t have the right to speak into someone’s life because I’m not an expert on that subject yet. I tell myself that I can’t solicit my services as an editor because I might make a mistake. As if any human person could ever know all the crazy rules of English grammar. We give ourselves boundaries that we shouldn’t sometimes.

And maybe other people give us the wrong limits sometimes, too. Maybe your mother always told you that you couldn’t wear pants with a flare because they make you look short. Maybe a teacher told you that art wasn’t your strong suit, so you’ve been stamping out self-expression. In middle school, when I revealed a desire to make a living with the written word, I was told that I should come up with a Plan B, because it wasn’t realistic to make money as a writer or editor. As a result, I never pursued the very things I’m pursuing now. The things that I’ve wanted to do for almost 2 decades. Other people can give us the wrong boundaries too.

The Paradox

That’s the paradox in boundaries. They can be good and bad. They’re internal and external. Listening to people who know more than you is an excellent idea. But sometimes it can harm you too. What we need to do is find that beautiful middle–reaching high and knowing that eventually we’ll have to stop for lack of oxygen. But friends, there’s a long way to go before we lose oxygen.

I appreciate your support as I find my limits. Like a little boy on the hunt for an outside adventure, I’ll explore the perimeter and see what there is to be found. When I run out of oxygen, I’ll turn back around. For now, my boundaries will not be a niche or a genre.