Do you ever wonder how to prioritize your life so that the things that are actually important to YOU really do happen? Friends, this is hard. We want to know that the most important things to us actually happen, because that’s how we make life meaningful! That’s a major reason why I have this space to write and share about my life. But also, there is so much opportunity and noise out there that if we don’t prioritize, we’ll be constantly spinning in circles. I’ve spun a lot of circles. It’s not very fun to feel like you’re running and running and not getting anywhere. So a small trick that can help you gain some traction and feel a little less like you’re running circles? Pre-decide what you’ll say yes to and what you’ll say no to.

I learned this trick from Lara Casey first and was recently reminded of it by Jenna Kutcher in this podcast episode. They are both heartfelt powerhouses who get A LOT of traction in the parts of life that matter most to them. Pre-deciding your yeses and nos is a seriously helpful way to minimize decision fatigue, bring clarity to your priorities, and minimize guilt and second-guessing about the things that you’re not doing.

One of the awesome things about it is that it doesn’t have to be for forever. You can make these your yeses and nos in just this season. For example, maybe you have a big project you’re working on. That could mean that things that you would normally say yes to (weekend brunch with friends, extra long workouts) are nos for this season. And that’s okay. The important thing is that you’re choosing your priorities.

4 steps to take to prioritize your life

1. Know what matters most to you

I almost feel silly putting this as the first step because it seems so obvious. But that kind of clarity can be surprisingly hard to come by. When you have a million things pulling at your attention, dozens of people you respect telling you what you should be focusing on, and you’re just trying to get through the week without an extra trip to the grocery store or too much fast food, it can be really hard to be that in tune to what you care about.  I for sure have that problem.

Here are a couple of different exercises you can try really quickly to unearth what’s important to you.

• Journal or brainstorm about who and where you want to be when you’re 80

Do you want to have explored the world? Start a business? Live on your own property in the country? Open your home to those who need a safe place to stay? When you’re 80, what will you look back on and be so grateful for? The answer to this comes more easily to some than to others, so if you’re really feeling stuck then try one of the next exercises instead.

• Think about the things that make you envious

Are there jobs or opportunities or relationships that you really admire or are envious that other people have? Don’t misunderstand me. I’m certainly not saying that envy is a good thing. But I DO think that it can be a helpful tool in discovering what you really want. Maybe you’re envious of your friend’s relationship with her husband and how they have frequent adventures together. Rather than being unhappy in your own situation, prioritize adventures with your significant other. This might mean redirecting money in your budget from one thing to another or scheduling adventures way ahead of time.

• Take a look back at the things you’ve done in the past that brought you a lot of joy

What are some of your fondest memories? Who did they involve? What were you doing? What aspect do you remember most? If it was a party you threw with all your closest friends, do you remember the food most? The good laughs? The games you played? If high school track is one of your favorite memories, was it getting to talk to your friend while you ran or was it long solo runs that were your favorite?

2. Decide what your focus is right now

Sometimes trying to think of a thing or two that really matters to you can be difficult. And sometimes the problem is that you think of TOO many things that matter. If you pick too many priorities, too many things to say yes to, it’s almost like saying no to everything. What’s helpful for me is to pick what my priorities are in a particular season. For example, while the process of growing through blogging is a priority for me in general, it wasn’t a priority while we were moving and for many months after. But now that we’ve gotten settled in and I’m spending less energy on figuring out basic life tasks, I can pull blogging off of the backburner. So think about what you can and should realistically focus on in this season and give yourself grace for what you have to put on the backburner. This step is hard for me, but it’s an important key in learning how to prioritize your life. 

3. Make a list of things that will get you closer to your priorities and a list of things that will compete with your priorities

This is essentially your yes and no list. If nurturing my relationship with my husband is a priority to me, then spending time with him will definitely be on my yes list. If paying off debt is a priority, then certain expensive activities will certainly be on the no list. Ideally, your list of yeses will be longer than your list of nos. I’m still working on this!

4. Feel confident about your list

Other people will always have different priorities than you, and they will certainly always think that your priorities should be the same as theirs. But since you’ve already been so thoughtful about what you can say yes to and no to in this season, you can move forward with confidence that you’re making the right decision for yourself and your family. Don’t let people make you feel guilty that you’ve prioritized differently.

It’s always helpful to me to read other peoples’ lists, so I’m sharing what I’m saying yes to and no to in this season. I’m sure it will look different whenever our next season starts, but for now, here is how I’m prioritizing. I hope you can draw inspiration for how to prioritize your life!

Things I’m Saying Yes To

• Lunchtime walk
• Fresh flowers from the grocery store on a regular basis – $5 limit but they make me so much happier
• Lifting weights 3x a week
• Getting up early to read
• Spending time with my husband
• Eating lots more veggies
• Sharing my thoughts on the internet (as an Enneagram 5, this is surprisingly hard for me. I worry that I’ll change my mind but that it will all be “out there” already and I won’t be able to redact or change it. And I ALSO worry that people don’t really care what I think, so why bother using up the energy to put it all out there? Both are not legitimate reasons to withhold from putting my thoughts on the internet, so I’m encouraging myself to do it anyways. If you’ve had a similar experience, please share)
• Keeping in touch with loved ones
• A tidy + beautiful home
• Reading GREAT books – and making time for both fiction and non-fiction
• Leaving insightful and/or encouraging comments on other people’s internet work
• Clean laundry once a week
• Helping my body get stronger and healthier
• Expressing myself and my feelings more often
• Staying in touch with what I’m feeling or thinking – even if I don’t take any action based on that knowledge
• Balance in what we spend money on
• Listening to more worship music

Things I’m Saying No To

• Painting my nails
• Alcohol more than once a week
• Dairy
• Homemade guacamole (too long to make)
• Fictional books I’m not enjoying
• Too much television
• Staying up too late
• Overthinking + over-researching
• Being a lurker
• Too much sugar
• Worrying about what other people will think
• Feeling the need to explain myself
• Starting a family
• Painting my nails
• Fragrance in beauty products
• Chores on Sundays
• Escapism
• Jumping from one task to the other
• A puppy
• Extreme frugality
• Too much online shopping
• Straightening my hair
• Grocery shopping
• Lots of makeup
• Analyzing decisions I’ve already made
• Haircuts
• Inbox zero
• Constant noise

Did anything on my lists resonate with you? Are there particular things that you’re saying yes or no to in this season in order to prioritize your life? I’d love to hear in the comments! Hearing how other people prioritize always helps me learn how to do a better job myself.